Written in your Soul
by Silent Searcher
Summary: Some things are part of us from the beginning. As easy and as natural as breathing. Sometimes these are the things that leave us empty and consumed with nothingness. But sometimes, these are the things that last forever.
1. Chapter 1

**_Author's Note: Hey, Guys! I haven't posted anything in a while so here's something new. So a friend of mine - scarlett101 - mentioned to me that there don't seem to be any stories for this pairing where they get married. I took up this gauntlet and decided to write this. I want to thank scarlett101 for being such an awesome friend to me and for letting me pick her brain for ideas pertaining to this story. My friend, thank you so much for everything and I hope this lives up to all your ideas. :)_**

 ** _Disclaimer: I do not own The World Ends With You, despite how much I write about these characters._**

* * *

The ceiling had a crack. It spanned the length of the plaster with little estuaries that veered off for a few centimetres but the crack itself persevered the entire length of the room. Joshua could visualise that crack behind his eyelids, even as he willed sleep to drag him under. He rolled over, neglected phone digging into his cheek. The end. No matter how he looked at it, things could only mean the end. He heaved himself off of the bed, clambering down the stairs to the cafe below. Limbs gangly and stiff from his day long lounge forced him to grip the banister else risk a tumble.

Below, the barista bustled about organising mugs and cups in a sequence known only to him. Sanae peered over his glasses at Joshua, noting the silverette's dishevelled state.

"Want some tea?"

"Does an angel have wings?" He threw himself onto a stool and rubbed his temples, just hoping for the situation to go away so he could get some decent rest for once. The Producer returned, a teapot steaming away in his hand. He handed Joshua a teacup though he clearly was unhappy with altering his arrangement of crockery. "Life and death are just too much trouble for me these days." Though the silverette despised sugar, he ladled two teaspoons into his drink. He hoped the sweetness would clear the sour mist that had fogged his mind as of late.

"Is that why you've been stuck to your bedsheets for the past two days? You'll have to pull your finger out soon or that paperwork will drown you."

"Wouldn't care if it did, really. Don't care at all." Sanae groaned internally as he pulled up his own seat. The things he did for this kid went beyond his job description, though Joshua had returned the favour tenfold over their joint service.

"What's on your mind, Boss?"

"This and that, current affairs and the like." The man appraised the other over his lens frames. Joshua squirmed as he pursed his lips, toying with a strand of hair. Slowly, his face fell and he hid behind his beverage. "It's over. Not that I can say I'm surprised." Sighing, the younger set down his cup and forced his conniving grin in place. It faltered at the edges, rendering it pointless. "We were so very close to being close. Alas, Neku and I can barely be in the same room without being at each other's throats." He giggled while taking another sip of liquid. It singed his mouth and rendered it numb.

"This isn't something to joke about, Josh. This is serious." The facade visibly fell. Joshua's shoulders slumped, his eyes tightened and his lips contorted into a melancholy sneer.

"You think I don't know that? Look at me and say I'm not taking this seriously." Wiping his glasses nervously, Sanae could not meet the other's eye.

"I think this is all a misunderstanding, if you ask me." Joshua barked out a laugh.

"It's a good thing I'm not asking you, then." He sifted his fingers through his hair, tugging just a little too hard for comfort. Laughing cruelly, his voice twined with sarcasm as he cursed. "God forbid, someone came between Neku and the soul that's grabbed his eye. That someone certainly won't be me." Pushing away from the counter, he stood, turning away from Sanae and darting toward the stairs.

"Josh, just think about this for a minute: what makes you think he's breaking up with you?" He stopped, gritting his teeth while fisting his hands.

"I'm dead, not blind, Sanae. He's more distant than ever, he's jumpy as if I caught him reading Pinhead Weekly again. He may not be breaking up with me but it's over. My little Proxy has grown up." And though he made once more for the stairs, he found himself unwilling to be alone again so soon. He stood on the final step, perched like a bird peering out of its nest at the perilous drop below.

"You're giving up on him, just like that? I thought you were the smarter one of the pair of you."

"Don't talk to me like a child, I know when enough is enough. I'm not giving up. If I thought I could fight for this and come out better off or even salvage this, then I would. But I won't make this harder than it needs to be. For his sake." Sanae rose to his feet, clawing through cupboards and drawers. Desperately searching.

"Did you think of maybe talking to Phones about this?" He couldn't find it. Yanking open tins of teabags and empty pots of coffee, he rummaged.

"Haven't you been listening, he won't sit still long enough for me to even breach the subject. I mention anything and he gets defensive." The Producer massaged the bridge of his nose and wondered why he was such a nice guy. Horrible guys didn't put up with this kind of drama. He was going to kill Phones when he saw him next.

"What an idiot."

"I fail to see what makes me an idiot." He found it, in the cutlery drawer where he would remember it. Where he thought he would remember it.

"Not you - you know what, Phones asked me to give you this. Read it, you may change your mind. If not, take it up with him. I wash my hands of this." Slinking over to the silverette, he wedged the letter into one of Joshua's clenched palms. Then he turned, making his way to the back room. He needed a lie down.

Joshua hauled in a breath and glared at the letter. Neku's handwriting adorned the exterior. Wrenching it open, it read simply: ' _Ready for a game? Find the three notes before nightfall. The first is found where a good friend waits_.'

He snorted. This really was too ironic. Neku must have been a closet sadist, pushing on Joshua the same trial that had been set to him within the game. Intrigued but nonetheless beguiled, he decided to set off.

"I'll leave you then, seeing as you have other things to do." A faint grunt from Sanae was the response before he left. First stop: Hachiko.

* * *

Upon arrival, the sun was at its peak and blared down onto passersby. The statue shone dimly as the dog's form reflected the light. It was busy but that was to be expected at lunchtime.

Joshua approached the statue, wondering just what he was looking for. It had said a 'note'. Could Neku have used a more generic word? No, he thought as he furrowed his brow and flicked his hair from his eyes. He remembered watching Neku meet up with his friends after the game, how happy he had looked amongst those he had come to love. The scene complete. Joshua unnecessary. His shoulders slumped forward and he pressed his forehead to the dog's haunches. He sniffled and traced his fingers along metal fur. Eyes catching on a slice of white on the plinth beside him, just close enough that his vision struggled to focus on it.

Wedged between the dog's front legs was another envelope, though slightly worn and gritty from being exposed to the outside elements. Joshua picked it up, scanning the text:

' _This is the spot where we met. Not actually for the first time, but for a while it was. In those first few minutes of knowing you, I hated you. You were cocky, condescending and clearly trouble. You're still all those things, but now I know that's not all that you are. All the times I would drag you into Sunshine's to get a burger and you would sit there, judging me. Complaining that we should have had ramen instead. Just hanging out like people do. Those are some of my most cherished memories because those times were just so easy. Being with you is easy. Getting along with you though, is difficult. Hachiko is known for his loyalty, something I've come to know well. You became my partner that day and have been so ever since. I could not bear to lose you again, like I thought I had at the end of our week together. But unlike Hachi, in the end I got you back._ '

Joshua raised a brow and glanced toward the fast food joint referenced in the letter. Ghosts of memories filled his mind's eye: Neku skulking into the greasy establishment, too hungry to care about what his partner thought or even about the life or death nature of his situation. Hours spent sat in a sticky linoleum booth beside the window, just talking to pass time. Joking with each other. Smiling together. It had been easy. Never had it been difficult to fall into comfortable companionship beside Neku, even if Joshua had ulterior motives running behind the scenes. In those moments, he was only ever Joshua: the boy who's life had ended before he gave it a chance to start. It had all been so new to him - friendship and trust - that it confused him and he was still rather bad at it. But those days had taught him that his afterlife could hold so much more warmth and laughter than his life ever had. Then he turned to glare at the pavement. All of that light was nearing its end.

He turned over the note and found the next clue: ' _The second is found at a feline's legacy._ ' He started to walk.

* * *

"Why do I always find myself back here? I don't even really like this mural, if I'm being completely honest." But when was he ever completely honest? With tentative steps, he drew nearer to the wall. Deft fingers traced the outline of the cursive shapes, just as Neku had done all that time ago. Around him, Shibuya's music dipped to a diminuendo as people and traffic began to settle into the lethargic haze that clouded late afternoons. It soothed him; the peace that came with the acknowledgement. It was ending, there was nothing to do but flow with the transition. Breathing hitching and eyes still stinging, he nodded to himself. He had to accept it. For Neku.

White paper caught his eye, folded and stashed beneath a traffic cone. The message within was semblant of the previous.

' _You stole my life that day, but ever since you've been stealing my heart. And my money from buying you tons of food. But mostly my heart. And as much as I'd like to be able to stand here and spout about how I could never love the guy who killed me... I'm not that good of a liar. I hate the way we met, the way you (literally) blasted your way into my life, but I'm glad you did. I wouldn't be the person I am today, without you. Just to see you smile the way you do, I'd go through it all again. I'd do anything that you wanted me to. When all was said and done, I couldn't count the cost of knowing you for it had all become too much for me. You're worth all the hurt, Josh. Maybe take another shot. This time with me, not at me.'_

His revolver materialised in his palm. The cold metal stung his hands just as the memories stung his mind. Not once had he regretted shooting Neku that day, never in all the years since that fateful day. But right then, he allowed himself to consider what life would have been like if he had not made the barter with Megumi. Darkness sprang to mind; for himself and all others now connected to Neku. Saved by Neku. He gripped at his chest where his heart once beat. What was one pain compared with another? Loneliness or loss, they both hurt. Rolling the weapon in his grasp, he traced the mural with his eyes and a watery smile grew on his lips. He'd soon be able to compare the pains, once the day was through. Neku sure knew how to tug at a guy's heart. As his feet took him away from the mural, he let himself chuckle at his own pitifulness, his own willingness to be strung along by the one who would inevitable shatter the glass heart he harboured. Yet he still walked. It seemed it was time to go home.

' _Alright Josh, last one. Come find me, at the feet of God._ '

* * *

Echoes lurched from the corners of the room. Caught in the throes of anticipation, he found no Neku within the Room of Reckoning. There was no one there. And as his laughter laced with tears, he sunk to his knees at his own throne. Throat clawed and devoid of speech his sobs were huffed breath danced in the eaves. Tepid torrents of tears flooded from him as his naive acceptance of the situation finally registered. Everything becoming real. Neku was leaving him. He'd be alone again. He'd be without Neku again. What was there without Neku? Nails cracked as they scratched at the stone pedestal, hating it for all it entailed.

Sore fingertips fell onto sharp paper edges that sliced at the skin. Paper? Another note? His hands turned reverent as he cherished the paper as if it were an extension of the ginger boy himself. Words became blurry as his tears smothered the ink so he wedged his arm to his face and nose to stem the flow.

' _Here we stood at the final curtain. I played the part of your pawn without even knowing. I did all that you expected and more. I changed. We stood here, face to face, point blank range, pistols drawn. I could never have done it. I could never have hurt you, even after all you did because despite the lies and the deceit - and the murder - you were my friend. Despite it all, I loved you. It's funny; as I closed my eyes, bleeding out, I didn't fear the end. I still trusted you to do the right thing. And you did. Because something happened that you never counted on: you had changed too. You didn't destroy Shibuya and I still don't understand why and I don't care. I've never said this to you but I'm going to tell you now: thank you. Thank you for coming back. You're not getting away again, you know. I'll make sure of that._ '

The last fragments of control or sanity he held crumpled in that moment. He screamed out. Lungs constricting and gasping and begging for it all to be a lie, to be a dream, for it to all be wrong and for Neku to come to him and to hold him and to help him like he had ever since the day they had reunited which had been the most important day of Joshua's life because for once he had found a reason to exist. A reason to live. But that was gone. No more. Lost.

Forever.

* * *

Joshua found Neku, slumped and snoring at the entrance to the sewers a few hours later when he found the courage to leave the throne room and find Sanae. He had things to arrange that he couldn't do alone. He had tried before.

Joshua approached with an intentional trail of echoed footfalls. His gaze became steely as he retreated to the back of his mind. Not now. He couldn't see Neku now.

But he couldn't just leave him there in the street. With a groan, he turned back.

"Howdy." Clearing his throat, he toed Neku. The teen awoke with a scramble and shout.

"Hey, Josh. I see you got here in the end."

"A child could have followed those clues, dear." Shaking his head, Neku allowed himself to laugh at Joshua's abruptness.

"They weren't supposed to be difficult." The ginger huffed as he pawed at his eyes. He recovered quickly, clambering to his feet. "So you're probably wondering why I made you run about Shibuya when things could have been a lot simpler." Though Joshua didn't show it, he felt a twinge of loathing shoot through his nerves at Neku's blatant calmness.

"No, I know what's going on." Neku visibly deflated. Then tensed up. His eyes darted around the underpass, looking anywhere but at Joshua. Finally, he was showing some form of emotion other than ignorance.

"Oh, now I feel stupid standing here. Just bear with me and let me say it."

"No need, consider it done. Feel free to see yourself out." Though he felt petty for storming out, Joshua wanted out of the situation. It was becoming more than he could take. The heart can only take so much. He shrugged and began his hasty retreat till Neku snatched his wrist, spinning him around so they were face to face again.

"It's not done if I haven't even said anything, and you don't seem too thrilled about it." Slimy grin slithering onto his face, Joshua swished the hair from his face. Years had changed Joshua from the spiteful fiend he had once been but he was bringing back all that spite and hate just for Neku. Just because he seemed to think that Joshua would be okay with just ending what had been the soul light in his existence.

"I'm ecstatic, can't you tell. I'm the happiest I've been in years."

"Sarcasm isn't making me feel any more at ease here." Neku still clutched his wrist, anchoring him in place. Barking out a laugh, purple eyes raked over the ginger's face. He couldn't be serious?

"Don't worry your pretty little head about it. I'm being rather masochistic as you can tell."

"Then don't do it, I'm not forcing you." And the anchor was gone. Neku all but threw Joshua's hand away, stepping back to stand against the wall. And just like that, Joshua started to leave again. Throwing caution to the wind, he called over his shoulder:

"You're a terrible liar, you can't pretend that you're happy with this."

"What are you going on about? 'Happy with this', if you mean your attitude then no I'm not!" Feet scraped to a halt on the pavement as he reached up to yank at his hair. Clumps of silver began to fall from his fingers as he tore it out.

"How did you expect me to react?"

"Not like this!"

"I'm trying my best, to make this as easy on you as I can. Now just leave."

"No, not until I understand what the heck is going on!" Why didn't he just leave? He should walk away, find Sanae and do what needed to be done. He could leave Neku stood here gawking at him. He could...he could...he couldn't. He couldn't leave. Not like this. Not Neku.

"What's going on is that I can't take this anymore, I won't sit back and watch this soap opera unfold. What's going on is that you are going to leave and then that's it. Game over."

"Don't dodge around the point, what the hell are you trying to say?" Pivoting on the ball of his foot was hard when his legs felt like they would fall out from under him any second.

"I'm saying, it's over. Neku, it's over." Blue eyes widened, emotions trembling within. Neku sunk down the wall, clutching at his arms as he hugged himself into a ball. His body wracked with tremors.

"You've got a lot of nerve, standing there and playing the martyr. You don't seem to understand what I've done for you, what I've endured for you." Joshua turned away, able to watch no more. His own eyes began to burn with the threat of tears. Why was Neku making this out to be so hard? Hadn't Neku been the one to shatter his heart? Shouldn't he be the one sobbing and screaming? Wasn't he the one about to stop his own existence?

"You never had to, dear. No one forced you into this."

"No one had to! When you love someone, it's just what you do." Choking out a laugh, the silverette rounded on the other.

"Lying is most unbecoming of you, Neku."

"Stop feeling sorry for yourself for one second..."

"No, for once you're going to shut up and listen." He squatted down to match the ginger's eye line. Threading his fingers together, he leant forward. "It was a nice dream while it lasted. Any love that was once there, has since drifted away. Your attentions fall elsewhere, which is to be expected and indeed hoped for. You can get back to your perfect little life, forget I even existed." Content with saying his piece, Joshua rose to his feet before making to leave yet again.

"Just shut the hell up, Josh! You don't even understand what's going on here! You're so blind that you can't see what I'm trying to do!"

"Oh I see what's going on, don't be so surprised. I'm just saving you the work of manning up and saying it outright. Beating you to the punch." The fist collided with skin. He fell, splayed in the floor as he grasped he cheek. Gravel nicked at his face while his arm was pinned beneath his torso.

"You're such an idiot, you know that? You couldn't be any more wrong. Did none of what I wrote mean anything, did it tell you nothing?"

"I cant read your mind while you're wearing your player pin, dear. You'll have to explain yourself." Neku paced back and forth in front of him, yanking at his hair so much his skin turned pale. Joshua's detached hair still drifted on the soft breeze around them.

"Seriously, you think I'd do all of that sugary, sappy stuff, if I was just going to break up with you? I'm glad you hold me in such high esteem."

"Then what was your intent?"

"I was trying to be romantic! The girls said you'd appreciate all that! This really isn't going how I planned, I hate this. You know what, I give up. Here, this should clear things up." He flipped Joshua an envelope almost identical to the ones he had been hunting all afternoon. "Open it, I don't know how to do this anymore. Text me when you figure it out."

"Don't go!" Wide purple eyes met blue. Tears blurred both of their visions. Neku sat down. The ginger shoved his face into his hands. If only he knew what Joshua had planned, he wouldn't have contemplated leaving. The silverette fumbled as a curse escaped him. He sucked on his newly sliced finger before he read:

' _If you're reading this, Josh, then it means I've chickened out. I've not managed to do it or you've made me so irritated I had no choice but to leave and calm down. The latter option is probable when it comes to us. So anyway, I'm writing this as sort of a definitive means of telling you what I couldn't. But then again I don't think I can write it either...let's see where this goes. Joshua, I love you. I've never said that outright but I sort of hoped you'd know without me having to. I love you. I don't want to live or die without you. So what I'm trying - and failing - to say, is will you be mine?'_

"So you get it now?" Joshua raised a brow imploringly as his throat clenched and he choked on his breath, sobs still shaking from him. "Aw man, Josh you really don't want to make this easy. I'm asking if..." Floundering and stuttering and flailing, Neku was just as emotionally haggard as Josh. "If you'll be my partner, for life. And death. I'm asking if you'll marry me, okay?" He was laughing; nerves and anxiety having been pent up with distress for many months. No. No this wasn't right. Neku was breaking up with him. Wasn't he? Pleading with his mind for the situation to be real. For Neku to really want him. He was hyperventilating. His heart pulsated in his ears and his hands shook and his lips shook because none of this made any sense! The ginger leant down and proffered a silver ring. Bright amethyst shimmering on top. A ring. A ring?

Scrabbling to his feet, he fled.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Author's Note: Hey, Guys! Alright, so I think this is the quickest I've ever updated anything. Ever. This chapter has been a rollercoaster to write, so I hope you like it. I apologise in advance for any spelling or grammar errors, I've read over it so many times checking for them but I'm almost certain some have slipped through. Thank you to those who have supported this story already. I just hope I can deliver.**_

 _ **Dislaimer: I don't own The World Ends With You**_

* * *

"Hey, open the door. Why'd you just run off? You're happy, right?"

"Let me in, we can sort this out. We can get through this."

"Just talk to me, Josh."

"Please."

* * *

The crack was growing. Bowing slightly at the fault, the ceiling creaked and crooned under the strain. As if it were crying for someone, anyone to save it from itself. Joshua liked that crack; could empathise with its plight.

Prickling needles of pain littered his spine where the wood of the door had made his back sore. The carpet beneath him was warm with his body heat. Finally, his breathing had retuned to norm and his tears had ebbed away. A tongue darted out from between his unbrushed teeth to moisten his chapped lips. How long had he been sat there, pressed against the door of the WildKat spare room? The curtains had darkened merely a few hours ago but other than that he had no recollection of time. Eye sockets burning from poor sleep, his limbs felt dead beneath him as he stretched out.

It had taken what felt like a lifetime, for Neku's yelling and begging and weeping to cease. Joshua had given no reply. He'd locked the door, fallen against it and tried to ignore the noise. To ignore the claws that tugged at his heart at the sheer pain streaming from Neku. But Neku had hurt him! Neku had been the one who shut him out and lied to him and was breaking up with him...except he wasn't breaking up with him. He had shut him out and lied to him to keep the proposal secret. He had written those notes, not to break up with him and crush him, but to be romantic. But how? Why? Nothing made any sense, and yet it made perfect sense. The way Neku had been acting, the secrecy. It all made sense. Except it didn't. Why would Neku want to marry him? Sure, they had known each other for a few years now but Neku was still younger than most when it came to marriage. They were constantly at each other's throats. They rarely had a conversation about anything important, just useless small talk. Joshua wasn't even alive! It would never work!

"Boss, you better cut it out or I'll come in there and make you." A bash against the door was followed by a string of curses. The floorboards groaned under Sanae's weight. Joshua's head shook with the movement. Even through the door, he shied away from the barista. "What do you think you'll achieve doing this? It's been over two days and the kid's barely moved or eaten. You trying to kill him, Josh? 'Cos that's what's happening." It had been that long? Joshua could faintly hear the rise and fall of what he assumed to be Neku's snoring. He had sat outside the door for two days, waiting for Joshua to come out? Joshua had sat on the floor for two days? He felt suddenly sick.

"Maybe he'll see sense and leave. Take his ring with him." Rather than scorn him, the Producer chuckled.

"What, you don't like the ring?" There was shuffling as the barista sat down, his voice coming from behind Joshua's left ear. "It's a funny story about that thing."

* * *

"Hey, Mr H." The cafe door shut with a click behind the ginger as he shrugged off his jacket and sat down at the counter. Sanae was busy refilling the bean grinder attached to the coffee machine, his gaze fixed on the appliance.

"Heya, Phones. Josh is away at the moment, should be back later though. I'll bet he'll come see ya then."

"Oh, yeah, he's coming over tonight. I'm actually here to talk to you." The barista cocked his head as he finished what he was doing. Shifting to face the other, he took note of Neku's unease. As if the younger had something plaguing his mind.

"How can I help, kid? Coffee?"

"Sure." Neku worried at a loose thread on his sleeve, tugging and twisting it between his fingers as Sanae grabbed a set of cups from the cupboard. "As you know, Josh and I have been a thing for a while now."

"Five years August, or so Josh tells me."

"Yeah, that's right. Surprised he remembers actually." A blush dusted the ginger's cheeks as he thought of Josh rambling about their anniversary to his Producer. He had to have at least mentioned it for Mr H to know the date by heart.

"Oh he remembers, if you asked him I'm sure he'd know the exact date that the two of you met. But, I highly doubt that's what you want to talk about. So stop stalling Phones and get to the point. You're freaking me out."

"Sorry, I was just wondering if, you know..." Neku trailed off mumbling into his collar. A steaming mug of coffee was placed in front of him, urging him to meet the Sanae's eye.

"Didn't hear you, Phones. It can't be important if you won't say it outright."

"Would it be okay if I asked Josh to marry me?" His words were rushed and slurred and shouted in his need to get them out before his nerve faltered once more. His mouth opened and closed a few times before he slumped in his seat and ducking his head. "What I mean is, will you give me your blessing?" Mr H gaped for a moment, shocked. As comprehension filtered through, he chuckled loudly and grasped at his chest.

"I'm touched you thought to ask me but I'm not Josh's dad or anything. It's not my place to give ya any blessing." He slammed a hand onto the bumbling youngster's shoulder, jostling the cup in his grasp. "But I'll be rooting for you, kid. Now let's see the ring you're going to give him. If you're asking me for permission, I'm assuming you're going to do it soon." Neku blinked. A self conscious laugh escaped through clenched lips as he rubbed at the back of his neck nervously.

"I haven't got a ring yet. I don't know what kind of thing he'd like, and I can't ask the girls for help since they would tell him by accident or just make everything uncomfortable by dropping hints to get me to do it sooner." Taking pity on the ginger, Sanae shook his head. He began replacing the things he had used to make their drinks, subtly shutting up shop.

"You got your wallet on ya?"

"Yeah, why?" The Producer reached across and wrenched the mug from Neku's hands, ushering him onto his feet and toward the door.

"We're going shopping."

* * *

"So I drag Phones down to the jewellery shop and were there for hours. And I mean hours. They were trying to shut up shop but the kid just wouldn't have it. None of the rings they showed him was good enough but he had no idea what he wanted." Sanae chuckled, shifting position as he sat. "I still don't know what he was looking for exactly but then he saw that ring he gave you and his face lit up like nothing I've ever seen."

* * *

"Why'd you pick that one, out of all of those ones we saw? It's nice and all but why that one?" The door swing closed behind them as they left the store, planning to return to Cat Street. The sun hung low in the sky and the late afternoon air clung to them, all heavy and humid.

"I don't know, it just seemed right. It just reminded me of him, you know?" Neku scratched at the sweat on his neck. His hand pawed at the ring box in his pocket.

"Absurdly expensive, yeah that's Josh alright." They both stifled a chuckle at that. Mr H glanced over at Neku with his brows furrowed. "Don't worry too much ok? He'll say yes, maybe in a complicated and highly condescending way, but he'll say yes. I know how much he cares about you." The ginger's eyes stared at the pavement below, his shoulders shrugging with casual indifference.

"It's not that I doubt how he feels, it's that I wonder if I can do this. I never imagined myself getting married, not after all the relationships I've seen fail. But I love him and if stability will show him that, then I'll walk down that aisle quicker than anything." Sanae ruffled Neku's tresses. He laughed and slung his arm over the sulking smaller male's shoulder.

"That's good to hear, glad you're continuing to expand your horizons," he gripped Neku's shoulder sternly, "but if you hurt him, or betray him in any way, I will kill you. I'm not letting some kid put him through any more pain, you hear me Sakuraba? I can, and will, obliterate you. Deal?"

"Deal," Neku's voice was flat, unwavering and unperturbed, "but for the record, I'm not the one who helped a maths fetishist attempt to murder Josh. So before you get on your high horse, look in the mirror."

"I like you, Phones." Sanae released his grip, the embrace becoming more relaxed once again. "Josh is in good hands. You'll definitely put him in his place."

"I'm not here to control him, not that anything to stop Josh when he gets his mind set on something." They laughed and returned to the cafe where Neku would relay his plan for the proposal. They had it all planned out.

* * *

"Everything was meticulously planned and kept secret from you. If you found out, Neku thought he'd freak out and not actually ask you or it wouldn't be romantic enough for you. I tried to tell him it wouldn't matter but he was set in his ways. You two have that in common." Joshua tugged at some loose strands of carpet as he took in what he had just been told. The muscles in his forehead ached and twinges from frowning. "You're the strongest person I've met by a long shot, so seeing you like this is really a testament to how much you love Phones. But love's a two way street, you've gotta meet the kid half way here. I know you don't understand what you're supposed to be doing, no one does, but you more so. You ain't never had anyone to love you and that's my fault but.."

"Oh, please. You don't understand anything." The barista all but growled with irritation. If Joshua just kept going, held his nerve slightly longer, he might leave.

"Really? Then do explain? What ain't I getting here?" He had no response to that. He couldn't explain but no lies came to him either. He tugged at his hair, scalp sore and throbbing.

"I don't know! Okay? Nothing in my head makes any sense, it's just unintelligible noise to me. I hate that right now my goddamn throat is seizing just at the prospect of talking. I hate my voice. I hate myself. That's all I know." Throat now raw and breathing uneasy, he clenched his eyes shut. Waiting for the oncoming scorn or retort. Waiting for a response.

Nothing.

"Mr H left."

"Oh."

"What about me? Do you not understand how you feel about me?" Neku's voice was haggard, worn thin, on the other side of the door, "I love you, you know? I never told you but I've always loved you." His head made a thump as it hit the door, his eyes traced the ceiling as he tried to ignore the breathing behind him.

"You think I don't love you too? You think I don't love you so much it hurts? Its excruciating." A sheet of paper slid under the door, poking into his leg. Neku had noticed how his voice had cracked, how his tongue seized over his words. Neku was giving him an out. Letting him communicate on his own terms and not force him to use his voice. Joshua silently thanked Neku for that and hated himself for needing such measures.

 _'Loving me hurts you? Am I so bad to love?'_

 _'Yes...no. Never.'_

He slid the paper back under the door, waiting for Neku to take it. He wasn't finished though. Some things, Neku deserved to hear from his mouth, not written on a page. "You want to know why I ran away? I had the whole thing figured out. You were sick of me, had moved on and loved another and we're just casting me aside because why wouldn't you? I had all but come to terms with it. I thought you were leaving me. I thought it was the end. I love you, so I was letting you go; letting you fly free from me toward the life you so deserve. I was making my way back here to tell Sanae they'd need a new Composer. I was planning on erasing myself. On having Sanae erase me since I can't do it myself. But, then you asked me to marry you. What was I to think? Everything had been completely wrong. I just lost reality completely. It was the feeling you get with the muzzle of a gun pressed to your skull." There was a pause. Not even a breath came from the other side of the door before the paper stabbed his thigh once more

 _'I know the feeling.'_

The moment where the fear and the betrayal and the anticipation builds up inside you. The promise of pain without the relief of it. That was how it had felt. How it still felt. Why Neku deserved better. Another note followed the other, this one covered with scratched out responses that Joshua could hardly make out. The message Neku had finally decided was good enough, made Joshua's hands shake and his mouth dry.

 _'Marriage isn't necessary, we don't ever have to get married. It's just a piece of paper at the end of the day. I only asked since I thought it would put you at ease.'_

The ink was blurred where tears had fallen.

 _'I thought that, if we were married and it was legally binding, you'd see that I wasn't going anywhere. That I wasn't going to leave you. But it seems I went the wrong way about it.'_

Neku choked and shuddered behind him. "I'm sorry." Forgoing the paper and using his cracking voice, Joshua responded.

"Never apologise to me, Neku. You know that by now."

"I do, but I'll still keep saying it. I'll keep saying it until you see that I mean it." A thump was heard as Neku turned and pressed his forehead to the door. "I'm right here, please, just come out. I don't want to lose you. I'm here for you." Joshua could here the plea in his voice, it had been there a lot over the course of his confinement. The silverette barked out a cold laugh as he finally realised what a fool he had been. Neku realised how he had made Joshua feel and was willing to make up for it. The ginger was willing to regain the trust he had lost and work to better their relationship. He had only ever wanted to make Joshua happy but had just not realised how damaged and stupid Joshua was. The only thing holding on to all that was hindering them, the only thing holding them back, was Joshua. Hiding was a habit he had perfected over time. A defence mechanism honed with use that made his words barbed with condescension and laced with poison, just to shield him from attachment that would inevitably lead to loss. But that was only holding them back. Neku was willing and waiting to communicate and move forward, he need only meet him halfway.

"Neku, get away from the door."

"I'm not going anywhere and nothing will change that so don't even try."

"Fine, fall on your face then." Joints cracking and straining as he turned, he opened the door. There was Neku. Balancing on his forearms as he stopped himself falling onto his face. Joshua had warned him to move.

"Josh, I'm so..."

"Why that ring? Why were you adamant that it had to be that ring?"

"Well, nothing about us is traditional so I knew it couldn't be a gold ring. But then I saw the ring and," he dropped his gaze to his hands as he pawed at the floorboards, "the silver reminded me of how your hair looks when we sit watching TV late at night. Shiny and silky and just so unreal. And then the gem looked just like your eyes. It made me think of waking up next to you, the sun peaking through the curtains and making your eyes sparkle." His eyes peeped up at Joshua from under his fringe, "It's stupid but I don't know. It made me think of all the things I love about you and my life with you. It seemed fitting that they should be what seals our future together."

"Give me some time, I have a lot of things to think about. I just need to...I just need-" Neku nodded at him solemnly, understanding without explanation. He turned and trudged down the stairs. Joshua slid the door shut and slammed his eyes shut. What was he doing? He couldn't even begin to unscramble what was within swirling within his mind. He splayed out on the floor, itchy carpet irritating his skin. He flailed his arms for a minute to try and release even an ounce of the lethargic agony within him. Whack! His elbow stung where it had struck the bed frame. Joshua sneered at the furniture as if had actively sought to hurt him. Not that it would surprise him. His blinking eyes caught sight of a single box wedged beneath the metal frame. He snatched it from its resting place and fumbled to open it.

Tears threatens to resurface at what lie within: a Polaroid picture stared up at him. The image showed two teenage boys; one with tanned skin, black hair and a youthful magic to them. The other was a short and silver haired with a wistful smile that was u mistakenly genuine. The back of Mr H's head could be seen within the shot where he stood behind the counter of the cafe. It had looked the same back then as it did currently. Joshua skimmed his fingers over the surface of the picture, it had been so long ago. Another life. His partner was dead. Not erased, just dead. No doubt ready to be reborn soon. He had died not long after they had survived the Game. It had been Joshua's fault. After beating the game, Joshua had struck a bargain with Sanae, planning on hacking the game. Planning on ascending to Composer. His partner had tried to stop him. Had tried to interfere. Joshua hadn't known wha he was doing. He wasn't in control of the powers he had inherited along with his Composer status. He had killed him. The smile he had depended upon, would never grace the world again. Because Joshua had been a fool.

The silverette turned over the image and written there were the words:

' _Love is based on trust, on mutual respect. All relationships are stem off of that. Good luck, my friend. I'm sure there's a guy out there you'll put up with your ugly mug for the rest of their life._ '

A laugh careened through his clenched jaw. Even from beyond the grave, he was still lecturing him. His sad smile fell as his thoughts turned to Neku - trust was out of the window as soon as they had met. Respect was something that Neku had earn to re his first week as Joshua watched him accomplish each mission and slowly come to trust his partner. Joshua had ruined any kind of relationship their week together had conjured when he had revealed himself as the mastermind behind the game. All trust was broken. Respect obliterated.

Yet Neku hadn't shot him.

The closest he had been to finding the rest he longed for, hadn't been granted to him. If it had been anyone else, he would have been erased that day. But it had been Neku holding the other fun. Sanae, Megumi, Minamimoto, anyone else would have shot him and taken his place for their own gain or to stop Joshua's tyranny. But not Neku. The hiding and the lies and insults had done nothing to deter the ginger teen from his resolve to not shoot him. He didn't trust him. He couldn't forgive him. Yet he couldn't kill him. Joshua still could quite grasp what had happened that day, he doubted he ever would. Doubted even Neku understood. He'd spout some nonsense about trusting you partner. Joshua had never been one to expand his horizons, preferring solitude. Less chance of being betrayed or hurt. Though he had been hurt and stabbed in the back, regardless. Betrayed and hurt because of his actions, because of his reclusiveness and narrow mindedness. Because of his enclosed world. By saving himself, he was actually hurting himself. The Game was restricted to only the areas within Shibuya but Joshua's consciousness had been restricted to only his own head! Why had he never thought of it like that before? Neku was trying to help him. Neku wanted to stand beside him and help to expand his world. Neku wanted to save him.

Leaping to his feet, he galumphed down the stairs and into the street. Rain pelted him as soon as he left the sanctuary of the cafe. His shirt gained translucency as the water made the material cling to his every movement. Hurtling past people and oncoming traffic, his eyes scanned the area for a shock of orange hair. The lights and neon of the city cast a sickly glaze over the area

There.

Neku stepped out of J of the M with hands in his pockets, hood up and face melancholy. Joshua darted over to the other, his feet struggling to keep up with his racing heart. The silverette tugged on Neku's coat, urging him to turn to face him. Blue eyes looked at him with apprehension and confusion. Joshua was grinning as sheer joy rolled off of him. The rain tumbled through his hair, plastering it to his face.

"I'm an asshole." Neku looked at him as if he'd sprouted wings or lost his mind but Joshua just beamed at the ginger. His jaw ached from the smile and a laugh occasionally bubbled from him. "I'm an asshole, Neku."

"Yeah, I heard you. Josh what are you on about?" The ginger frowned, shaking his head, "Seriously, just stop messing with my head. I can't take much more of this, I love you but I can't keep hurting myself for you."

"That's it though! I understand now, I'm an asshole because I keep getting hurt. I keep getting hurt because my world is so small. I always thought it was me against everything because it was! I let no one in for fear of being hurt but hurt myself by making myself be alone! My method of coping with the world became the thing keeping me out of it!" Sifting his fingers through the curls stuck to his cheeks, Joshua twirled some strands between his fingers as he fixed Neku with a look of pure love. "But then I met you and everything changed and you showed me what could be and though that terrifies me, I want nothing more than to expand my world with you helping me. If you'll still have me."

"That makes no sense." Joshua's smile shrunk and he blinked the rain from his eyes. "That is the most ridiculous thing I think you've ever said," Neku chuckled, his shoulders dancing, "but I can't say I'm surprised by anything anymore. After such a romantic speech, I'd be a fool to say no." The silverette's eyes widened. "That means yes, dear." This was real. Nothing had felt so real. Lighting cracked through the sky above their heads, thunder tumbling behind. Leaping into the warmth that was the other's chest, Josh cried and he laughed and smiled and he was just so relieved and happy. Oh god was he happy. Neku hugged his torso and spun him a circle for a while. Joshua nuzzled their noses together, their breath warming their now cold faces. Neku's breath was short and pulse racing beneath his touch.

"I love you, Neku Sakuraba."

"I love you, Yoshiya Kiryu." Neku could feel the dimples on Josh's cheeks as they kissed. It was a chaste but nevertheless passionate thing. It was as if the rain was washing away the worry and strain from earlier, leaving them with joy and ease. Neku's fingers trailed through silver hair, it was heavy with moisture as he used the ends to flick Joshua in the nose. Josh crumpled his nose at the ticklish sensation before ripping himself away from Neku to let out three consecutive sneezes. He didn't even care if he got a cold, he was happy to stand out there forever. But Neku had other plans as he plucked up his hand and pulled him back into WildKat where they proceeded to get warm and curl up on the sofa. They cradled each other as they sobbed and laughed, until the sleepless nights evened their breathing, relief lulling them into dreamland.

* * *

They awoke to the still raging storm. The sound of rain against the windows was oddly comforting, the exterior cold making the warmth of each other all the more enticing. Neku watched on adoringly as he traced the shell of Joshua's ear with his fingertip. The silverette still asleep beside him. A hand bat at the offending finger as the silverette burrowed into Neku's side to escape the touch. The ginger pressed a small kiss to the crown of Joshua's head. Crooning, Josh's breathing quickened as he began to stir.

"G'morning, angel." The blush that stained the almighty composer' cheeks was worth the punch to the ribs he received.

"So, Neku: where's this ring that sparkles like my eyes?" As if to punctuate his point, Josh crawled on top of him, face only inches away. "Do you enjoy staring at my eyes, Neku? Does my silky hair just make you want to swoon?" Joshua hooped him on the nose playfully. "I didn't know you thought I was so stunning, dear. I'm flattered, positively melting under such a gaze." The ginger male rolled his eyes and pushed the other off of him. Joshua heaved himself to his feet, clambering out of the back room to the store cupboard. He threw things haphazardly as he rummaged. Neku bit at his nails as he cocked his head in curiosity.

"What are you looking for?"

"The pollyfiller, there's a ceiling that needs fixing," Joshua leant his head back, looking at Neku upside down. "Care to help me, my dashing fiancé?" Neku grinned, the last of his tears spilling from his eyes. He wiped them away as he flicked his fiancé's nose.

"I'll go get the step ladder."


End file.
